Puns

What do grammas use instead of insta-gram? Insta-Gam-Gam What's Dave Grohl's dog's name? David Growl If Hootie were allegeric to Salmon his band's name would be Hootie and the No Fish The porn version would be The Curious Case of Benjamin's Buttocks

Accents

Accents are a funny thing to me. I've lived so many places now my accent has a bit of an identity crisis at times. I lived in Philly for 10 years, that's Philadelphia for the non-east coast people. Their accent is an amalgam of New York, Jersey, and not sure what else. They'll say things like Yo, gimme a soft predzul and some woodeer ice, or wooda ice. That is water ice and a pretzel, water ice being italian shaved ice with various fruit flavors, and is fucking delicious. ___________________________________________________________________________ Then of course there is Jersey, yeah Jersey in da house, jersey in da house, jersey party. I had a roommate from north Jersey named Sean. He was a character. He was like, Yo Andy, I'm Sean from Nort Jersey, I'm all about workin out, eatin some pie, and gettin sick. Now at this time I'll have to preface this by saying, I had just moved from Wisconsin where I grew up so had no fucking clue what he was talking about. I was like you guys really MUST like pies out here, like pumpkin or cherry, ok, sure pies are pretty good. Eventually I learned pie meant pizza pie, like Hey Mario, dis is Luigi, gimme a big pizza pie, I got Princess Peach and some mushrooms all up in dis bitch. What's da matta wit you eh, you no lik-a da pizza pie? Bippito boppito beepito. I'm from Jersey, Andrew Dice Clay, OOOOOHH! ___________________________________________________________________________ And I also hadn't heard the term sick before either in reference to being cool, so thought he had a bad Jersey cold whenever he said "dat shit is so sick bro", I always had to go get kleenex to prepare for germs. ___________________________________________________________________________ Now, getting to Wisconsin, that is of course a place of funny accents, perhaps the birthplace of funny accents. Being away for 13 years now, it sounds funny to me every time I go to the milwaukee airport, or the Mil-Wacky airport as they would say. I get off the plane there and first of course it just seems odd to see so many white honkey crackers walkin around, like what the fuck, am I in sweden what's goin on? ___________________________________________________________________________ And I hear the intercom, "Welcome to Mil-wacky, Enjoy your stay here! and visit one of our many breweries or the Harley Museum, goooo Packers! Hey Pack-er-en-a! You know there was a song during the height of the Mac-ar-en-a called Packer-ena and cheese-headed sports fans would do the Mackerena at packers games which was adorable and embarassing at the same time, which pretty much sums up Wisconsin in a nutshell. "Anywhoozil, let's go take da kids out der on da lake Geneva, do fishin, do some grillin, cook up some Braaats, some saurkrout, have a good time up on da lake der, derp da dippitty der herp dippity doooo! ___________________________________________________________________________ And finally this brings me to the present to sum up my little accent journey. Now LA does have accents despite people saying they don't; the perfect example being one of my co-workers telling me I have accent. Here's an impression of her "Umm.... you have an axe- sceeent , we don't have axe-sceeents in Cauliflour-na um I'm from Santa Barbarba and Encino and we don't have axe-sceeownts" (In a Valley girl voice)